As mentioned before, blended families are diverse and often complicated. Tackling these issues can be difficult but the rewards are huge.

Today we are going to talk about when, in blended families, the stepchild doesn’t accept the stepparent. Before going too far it is really important to handle this issue before the families come together. If in your case it didn’t it is not something that can’t be handled, but it will take a little more work. The adage “when you have lemons, make lemonade” really applies here.

Blended families are usually formed because two adults feel they have found that person who really is “the one”. When people get married the first time, often they were naive and too young to know better. Now, however, hopefully they have learned a thing or two. This can be used to the advantage in blended families.

The first step to success is, the biological parent, alone, needs to sit down with the stepchild and explain how you are really in love with this new stepdad or stepmom. It is essential, no matter how you feel about your ex-spouse to say that they will always be there and that the stepparent is not a replacement for them. They are an addition, that you love, and given time and effort by the child, they can love too.

In blended families never, I repeat, never ever tell the child if they don’t like the stepparent you will break it off. This is only feeding into your guilt that you don’t deserve to have love again because of your failure in the previous marriage. Only two things can come from this mistake; 1) you don’t get to have love or 2) either you have resentment or the child has guilt. Always remember the parent is the leader of the family, blended families or otherwise and you deserve to have a great partner.

The key is to get the child to realize they have a responsibility to get along and to try to make it work. They need to know it is part of the role that they play in the family so the family can succeed. The child, often, doesn’t see the potential of this new family. It is your job to paint the vision for them. Children are only seeking comfort through knowing that their home is safe and stable.

Next, both parents talk to the child. The stepparent’s job here is to connect with patience. Again, in blended families, parents need to be leaders. The stepparent needs to reinforce the message that they are not there to replace the biological parent, in their heart, but that having a relationship with the child is really important not only to the two of them but to the success of the entire family.

Dr. Robert Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

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Dr. Robert Bocknek is ”the Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families”. Check out his sight at takebackthehome.com. You can email him at Bocknek(at)takebackthehome.com.

     

More on Topics: Blended Families, Family, Parenting

Tags: Blended Families, Family, Parenting

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