In the last article on “Patience and Leadership in Blended Families” we talked about the need for patience in bringing two families together to become a blended family.

Before we can move on to leadership in blended families, we need to talk about a sensitive area. That being, “What didn’t we do so great in our first marriage”. The worst thing we can do, I believe, when attempting to start a new family, is not look at how we can improve our skill levels as parents prior  to the commencement of it.

Let’s get it out in the open. No matter how much we want to blame the “ex”, ask the question, “Does it help me or my new family any bit to blame the ex”? Of course, it doesn’t! All we can do is keep improving ourselves. Understand, for what ever reason you are starting new blended families, (I say families because we are all in this together), you are taking a bold and risky step. I did it myself. So, I know.

How are you going to prepare yourself to be a better spouse and parent in new blended families?

I like quotes, so I’m going to give you one here.

In an old show with Ed Asner, “Lou Grant”, Lou was getting a divorce after 20 some odd years and he was miserable. Sound familiar? Lou was talking with his boss and friend, (I will paraphrase, because I can’t remember the exact lines). He asked him, “Joe, you’ve been married all these years and seem so happy. How do you do it”? Joe said, “Back in my day we didn’t expect so much. Since we didn’t expect so much we got so much more”.

I’ve always loved that quote. I am not saying here you should have low expectations in this new marriage. What I am saying is if your expectations are reasonable, you are more likely to have a great marriage and family. Furthermore, in blended families, if your expectations of what kind of spouse you are going to be, what kind of parent and step parent you are going to be, are better than the first marriage, you are much more likely to be successful in this new marriage and family.

Another part of this preparation is identifying things, with your children, that weren’t too great when you were living alone that you and they are going to improve on in this new family.

Always remember, every moment of every day is an opportunity to be a better you for you, your new spouse and new blended families.

Please read “Patience and Leadership in Blended Families” part 3.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

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Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

     

More on Topics: Blended Families, Family, Family Roles, Leadership, Marriage, Parenting

Tags: Blended Families, Family, Family Roles, Leadership, Marriage, Parenting

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