Blended families, for those who are new to the term, is the bringing together of two adults and their kids in one household. For me, this means a committed relationship and not just people moving in together for convenience or economics. Its not that the non committed relationship can’t become a great family…it just isn’t defined as one yet.

Let’s get to it then.

In blended families, everyone needs to have patience. America has become, what I call, a fast food society. We want everything fast. We want our food fast. We want our problems resolved fast. We want results fast. Unfortunately, or fortunately, life isn’t a McDonalds^TM hamburger. In life, there isn’t a counter we can just walk up to, know what we want, know what the price will be and pretty much know how long it will take.

Humans need time to adapt, even little humans. In blended families, we have the offspring of two marriages or living arrangements in which the parent’s skill level, maturity level or connection level wasn’t up to task. Even though we are trying again to bond with another adult, our kids just have to live with our decision.

This article isn’t about blame and failure. It is about amassing enough skill to make our new blended families a success.

Patience plays a huge role in success. Increasing the patience level isn’t just for the parents. Each member in blended families comes in with how things ought to be done in the family. All your child knows was how it was done before. They will want it that way again. Even if it wasn’t good before, humans find comfort in things being the same, so kids will resist change in the new family. It may not happen that way, but be prepared for resistance.

Three helpful points for Blended Families:

1) Expect resistance to change from the kids. They are just trying to express discomfort to change in their lives that they have no control over.

2) Have meetings before and after moving in together with your kids alone, then with just the spouse’s kids, then both parents and your kids then finally with the whole family.

3) Express the need for patience and most of all express caring and respect, often.

Read part 2 of “Patience and Leadership in Blended Families”.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

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Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

     

More on Topics: Blended Families, Marriage, Parenting

Tags: Blended Families, Marriage, Parenting

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