What makes a good parent? What are the main things, you can do, to succeed as a parent? Your relationship with your children is going to go through many ups and downs. Expect it. There are going to be times where you want to strangle your kids and there are going to be times when you wish you handled yourself better. So how do you keep your relationship with them growing through all this turmoil?

What makes a good parent begins with the parent’s unconditional positive regard for their children. But what does unconditional positive regard mean? I would like to begin with telling you what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean when your child is failing or doing poorly in school that you say, “its ok honey, you’ll do better next time”. It doesn’t mean, when your children talks back to you that you take it because you love them.

What makes a good parent is standing up, and leading your children with unconditional positive regard as I’m going to describe to you right now.

When your child is doing poorly in school, you begin with taking responsibility within yourself how you weren’t on top of how they were doing. I’m not going to call you a bad parent if your child does poorly in school. But, I can tell you, what ever parenting style you use, if your child repeats poor performance a second straight semester and you haven’t made major changes in what you as a parent do, you are not doing what makes a good parent.

So what would you do in this circumstance? You lay down the law. Sit down with them and tell them of your expectations. You go to the school and have a meeting with their teachers to find out what is going on. (On this point, you will not go to the school with the aim of blaming the teachers for your child’s failures. This is not unconditional positive regard. This is stupidity).

After you have heard what the teachers say, you then sit down with your child and explain to them that you love them and because you love them these are the steps we are going to take until the grades come up to an acceptable level. These steps could be like no computer or video games. No going out until after homework is done and you have checked it.

This is unconditional positive regard. Unconditional positive regard means that you always love your children and you let them know it. It also means that you take a stand for them when you feel they are out of line with what you as a parent think is right for them. In effect, as a parent, you take responsibility.

Stay tuned for part 2

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

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Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

     

More on Topics: Parenting, Parenting Tips, Teenage Parenting, What Makes A Good Parent

Tags: Parenting, Parenting Tips, Teenage Parenting, What Makes A Good Parent

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