I have written many an article on what makes a good parent, (see my archives here at Keyboard Culture), but today I want to talk about the parent’s relationship to each other as a foundation to having great kids.

The home is nothing if it isn’t a safe haven for your children. Your children need at least one place in their life where they can let their guard down and be themselves. This doesn’t mean that the home is a place that they can misbehave but it does mean it should be a place of comfort, love and security.

Let’s look at being on a boat as an analogy of how the parent’s relationship creates balance for our children. On land, what gives us our balance is that the earth is steady so when we walk our brain can calculate how far to reach with our legs on each step. In a boat, however, the ground is moving. When we attempt to walk on a boat the deck can come up or down with the waves and the brain is forced to constantly reset for balance. Our brain then has to work much harder for normalcy. The parent’s relationship, and it’s effect on the kids, is similar. If it’s consistent the child’s brain has that much less to occupy it’s attention. When the parents are out of balance most likely so are the kids.

What makes a good parent is making sure the home has that stable ground so your child’s brain doesn’t go into overwhelm. The parent’s relationship to each other can often be a rock from which the kids can grow healthily or a tidal wave that leads to instability.

Let’s, then, go into a few points about what makes a good parent in regards to parent’s relationship to each other. We will be begin with the worst scenario, which is the family of the divorcing or soon to be divorcing parents. You may be wondering why I am including divorcing parents in a discussion of what makes a good parent. Here’s why.

One of the most important jobs a parent has is insuring that his or her offspring is a success in life. This doesn’t stop because the parents are unable to find a way to have happiness together.

Please read “What makes a good parent, parents loving each other part 2″ where we will go into those points.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

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Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

     

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