So, since I’m assuming you all chose to turn left, lets continue.

The first point here is that what you just did in this simple model was to decide to have a happy marriage as opposed to an unhappy one. Simple as it may sound, the first step to not having marriage problems is making decisions that benefit the marriage.

How often do decisions come up about benefiting or hurting your marriage? I will give you the answer. Every single day of your life, they will come up. Let’s continue on with this idea of how they come up so often.

Can you accept that most marriage problems are based on sex and money? It is to your benefit to do so. Let’s go on like you believe it.

We will first talk about sex. When you first met, what made you desire you spouse? What made them desire you? Did they dress well for you or you for them? Were you keeping yourself in shape? We are all getting older, but we don’t have to get old. By this I mean, if we take care of ourselves physically and mentally we will stay more attractive to our spouse longer.

Conversely, if you decide that fast food is more fulfilling than having sex with your spouse, you will

a) get old and less sexy earlier

b) have less energy for sex, and

c) be deciding to increase the likelihood of having marriage problems because you have become less sexy.

Now let’s back up a little bit. Does this mean you must look the same way you did 10 years ago?

No, that’s impossible and it’s not possible for your spouse to be the same either. But, if you put the effort in, and I mean a real effort, like working out and eating healthy to show your spouse that you understand that you are deciding to stay as sexy as possible, they will appreciate it and in turn find you more sexy. Why would they find you more sexy? It’s not just because you look good. They will find you sexier because by taking care of yourself, you are showing them that they are important enough to you to make a commitment for them. That’s how we are, as humans are. Hopefully, they reciprocate and you feel the same way about them.

Part of avoiding marriage problems is about deciding to stay as sexy and healthy as possible. It works in my marriage and it will work in yours.

Please read part 3, where we talk about the money issues in marriage problems.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

     

More on Topics: How to Save a Marriage, Marriage, Marriage Problems, Sexless Marriage

Tags: How to Save a Marriage, Marriage, Marriage Problems, Sexless Marriage

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