Blended families, for those who are new to the term, is the bringing together of two adults and their kids in one household. For me, this means a committed relationship and not just people moving in together for convenience or economics. Its not that the non committed relationship can’t become a great family…it just isn’t defined as one yet.

Let’s get to it then.

In blended families, everyone needs to have patience. America has become, what I call, a fast food society. We want everything fast. We want our food fast. We want our problems resolved fast. We want results fast. Unfortunately, or fortunately, life isn’t a McDonalds^TM hamburger. In life, there isn’t a counter we can just walk up to, know what we want, know what the price will be and pretty much know how long it will take.

Humans need time to adapt, even little humans. In blended families, we have the offspring of two marriages Continue reading Patience and Leadership in Blended Families

In the last blog of “Fathers in Teenage Parenting” we talked about the father’s role in early teenage parenting. In this one, let’s talk about the father’s role in mid to late teenage parenting.

By the mid to late teens years, important dynamics often start that makes the father’s presence even more important than in previous years.

Starting with teenage parenting with the boys; Boys often don’t want to be seen with their mothers, in public and are challenging them, in private. This is a natural occurrence as young male energy starts to emerge. When there is a father in the house, he can relate to the male energy and can discuss it with them. Its not that it’s always easy but the father can set the example of how a responsible male needs to behave in society. He can give examples of how he handled mother issues and the ever uncomfortable puberty issues that no male teenager will discuss with their mother.

When I took the helm with my wife and her two boys for teen parenting duties, they were 13 and 15 years old. They were raised with no male in the house and were utterly dominating her. Let me tell you it hasn’t always been easy, but has been incredibly rewarding. I instilled chores, rules, allowances and school expectations. I also instilled for them to go out more to be with their friends without supervision, something my wife was scared to do.

Now let’s Deal with teenage parenting issues Continue reading Fathers in Teenage Parenting 3

In teenage parenting, especially in blended families, the presence of the father or step father is hugely important in the development of the teenager. In the first Fathers in Teenage Parenting blog post, we talked about the difference in nurturing capacities between mothers and fathers with the preteen.

Let’s now look at how the father can impact the nurturing of the blossoming teenager.

What is different in teenage parenting vs. preteen parenting in regards to the father?

The first thing to remember is that the blossoming teenager is starting to spread his or her wings. They are becoming more independent. This is often a very trying time for parents. Parents are starting to realize Continue reading Fathers in Teenage Parenting 2

Today, I would like to speak on the importance of the father in raising kids in teenage parenting.

Our family is a blended family. Between my wife and me we have four kids, three boys and a girl. This year they will be 20, 18, 17 and 15. Here’s what I have noticed. Understand, what I’m about to say is not to insult or judge teenage parenting styles, (well, ok there will be some judgment, but where would we be without judgment, LOL).

Let’s first talk some of what mothers bring to the table. Mothers, first and foremost, bring an amazing ability to love their children in a way that men almost never do. They worry about things like sickness, eating well and staying up too late as if each decision carries the weight of the world on it.

Women just have a nurturing side that is incredible. Its not that men don’t have a nurturing side, (of course we do)…it’s just not the same. Before teenage parenting begins, I believe, it is Continue reading Fathers in Teenage Parenting

So let’s talk about how to change our values.

First point is why would we want to?

When we want to bond with people, we need to learn and grow. We can’t expect others to be exactly like us and they can’t expect us to be exactly like them.

Secondly, we have to own the idea that somethings we do stink and somethings they do stink. We are all humans and somehow got in the habit of doing our lives the way we do it, but that doesn’t mean its right or good. Success in blended families begins with change.

The first thing to change is that love has to be a important value. Love is easy to say and more difficult to do. Love needs to be a verb. In other words, love your new family. If you don’t know if what you are doing makes the other side uncomfortable either ask them or go the distance and say to yourself, “I don’t know how they feel about this but If I wanted to do what was right…what would I do?”

This is loving them. In blended families you can quickly Continue reading Success in Blended Families 3

In Success in Blended Families Part 1, we talked about core values and the problems that can ensue when we aren’t aware of the differences.

In this “Success in the Blended Families” article let’s discuss how to overcome differences in core values. The first thing to mention is you don’t have to be an expert to survive in blended families, but the better you understand the potential pitfalls increases the odds of success. Just remember what is at stake. You are entering into a blended families situation because of points you missed in your first marriage. What we don’t want to do is make the same mistakes again. Right? So the best way is to become a student of yourself.

As written in Blended Families Part 1, understanding our core values is very important. Then understanding how they mesh with our partner is next. Partners can be very different on unimportant things but on the important stuff its not ok.

What determines what’s important? Continue reading Success in Blended Families: Part 2

Blended families are an amazingly common phenomena in America today. Just the fact that we have a term for a situation where the survivors of two failed marriages coming together speaks volumes in and of itself.

But, this article is not about failed marriages or tragedy. It is about what happens when two people have learned from their mistakes and make a new wonderful loving family. It is about the possibilities that can be a reality. The reality being that humans can rebound and take hurt and loss and make a new beginning. This is about success in blended families.

What does it take to make success in blended families? The first thing that is required is for the two adults to look at whether their core values are in line.

What does this mean?

Core values are the 3 or 4 most important feelings each person hold close to their center. Core values could be happiness, love, trust , integrity, etc.

One might think that every one has the same value system, but this isn’t true. More often than not, women hold Continue reading Success in Blended Families

In looking back on what totally ruined religion and spirituality for me as a teenager was a “you’re going to go” religious training vs. love, family, community and religious training. Teenage parenting is a battle between parents trying to instill moral and ethical values and the ridiculous media that our kids are exposed to on a day by day basis.

In teenage parenting, if there is reluctance and conflict between you and your teen, there are several steps which will help immensely.

Steps to bringing G-d into the home happily.

1. Don’t be divisive
2. Read and tell empowering stories from the bible
3. Share your own trials with morals and integrity from when you were young
4. Don’t be hypocritical

In America, teenage parenting is Continue reading Bringing Spiritual Beliefs to Teenage Parenting

Today, we are going to talk about the issue of what happens when parenting styles are different. We hear a lot about parenting styles these days in regard to blended families and their problems. The truth is there are many parenting styles but what is most important is that the core values of the parents are in sync. What we mean by core values are those values that are most important to the parent.

For instance, love is a core value. Now, we can all agree that love is important in the home and most parents will express it to some degree.

We will now take a commonplace example of a core value, that although it seems like nothing, can really disrupt blended families. The core value of Continue reading Help with Blended Families: Part 3

As mentioned before, blended families are diverse and often complicated. Tackling these issues can be difficult but the rewards are huge.

Today we are going to talk about when, in blended families, the stepchild doesn’t accept the stepparent. Before going too far it is really important to handle this issue before the families come together. If in your case it didn’t it is not something that can’t be handled, but it will take a little more work. The adage “when you have lemons, make lemonade” really applies here.

Blended families are usually formed because two adults feel they have found that person who really is “the one”. When people get married the first time, often they were naive and too young to know better. Now, however, hopefully they have learned a thing or two. This can be used to the advantage in blended families.

The first step to success is, Continue reading Help with Blended Families: Part 2