The panic has begun. Every year another flu bug comes around. Every year there is a hysteria to get the flu shot. One of the things that goes into what makes a good parent is to ensure that you do what you can for your child. Does it make sense to get the flu shot? Is it to your child’s benefit to get one?

This is not an article to tell you what to do. I can only tell you my family never gets flu shots and never has gotten one. We get sick sometimes but over all I would have to say, compared to our neighbors, we get sick a lot less. Here’s a possible reason why. A body’s immune response is based on Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent and the Swine Flu

So let’s move on to marriage problems and money issues.

Let’s begin with an important point. There are issues that you can’t help in life. There are other issues you can have under your control. You can’t control a bad economy but you can control to some degree the economics of your home. Money stresses, in a marriage are as big or bigger than sex issues. You need to handle those to avoid marriage problems.

In dealing with money issues and marriage problems I like to draw from the saying, “If all you have is lemons, make lemonade”. If your family’s economics aren’t the best, a way to improve your marriage rather than have marriage problems is to find ways to not use your credit card that can bring you and your spouse together. The first suggestion, here, is Continue reading Marriage Problems, When the Team Breaks Down, Part 3

So, since I’m assuming you all chose to turn left, lets continue.

The first point here is that what you just did in this simple model was to decide to have a happy marriage as opposed to an unhappy one. Simple as it may sound, the first step to not having marriage problems is making decisions that benefit the marriage.

How often do decisions come up about benefiting or hurting your marriage? I will give you the answer. Every single day of your life, they will come up. Let’s continue on with this idea of how they come up so often.

Can you accept that most marriage problems are based on sex and money? It is to your benefit to do so. Let’s go on like you believe it.

We will first talk about sex. When you first met, what made you desire you spouse? What made them desire you? Did they dress well for you or you for them? Were you keeping yourself in shape? We are all getting older, but we don’t have to get old. By this I mean, if we take care of ourselves physically and mentally we will stay more attractive to our spouse longer.

Conversely, if you decide that fast food is more fulfilling than having sex with your spouse, you will Continue reading Marriage Problems, When the Team Breaks Down, Part 2

Today, I was thinking about my life and marriage. Could the economy be any worse? Could the daily news be any worse? How is your marriage surviving through all this?

The saying goes “the only two things you can count on are death and taxes”. But there is one other thing you can count on if you don’t keep your eye on the ball, and that is marriage problems.

Are you having a great marriage or are you having marriage problems? When each of us got married, barring getting married due to a surprise pregnancy, we went into it with hopes and dreams of a bright future, or a feeling of security, or at least a feeling of connection. For those of you who honestly feel you have a great marriage, or at least a good one, those same feelings to some degree are still there. To those of you who are having marriage problems, something happened along the way that changed those feelings.

Let’s take a look at what happens that leads to a happy marriage or marriage problems and then give some useable suggestions. We are going to start the talk with a premise that most marriage problems begin with one of two problems. Those problems are Continue reading Marriage Problems, When the Team Breaks Down

I found that these last two weeks I had to do something I hadn’t done much in the home and that was to speak my mind with my kids about what I thought was getting dangerous in America.

John Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country”. It was probably one of the best lines any leader has ever said to their fellow countrymen. It was meant as a catalyst for action to do what has always made America great. It meant you are your country so do something for it. Barak Obama had some of the same message for our kids. Stay in school. Do your best. Achieve. But I don’t agree with everything he said nor with some of his tactics, specifically asking children to help him pass his reforms an bills. I believe in what we can do for our country, but let kids be kids.

Last week the president was going to address the children and teens of America. On the whole, I think it is a great idea to have the leaders of this country speak to our youth. I personally feel there is too much of a disconnect between Americans and between Americans and their country. Like another young president, John Kennedy, Barak Obama has a chance to move the young of America. What makes a good parent in the home is leadership. What makes a good parent of the country is leadership.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Continuing from part 2, understand, humans often take the easiest way to get out of pain and that’s why drug use is so prevalent in society. What makes a good parent in this situation is for the parent to call the school and find out what happened.

Ask all the prevalent questions. Have a meeting with the teacher without the student and maybe afterwards, with the your child. Stand firm. Let the child or teen know all the facts you have found out and help them form a strategy for success in the class.  Let them know you will be monitoring them so that the strategy will be implemented. Regularly, let them know that this kind of strategy is what they will need to do in their life to increase the odds that they will be successful and that’s why they need to do it.

Let’s now talk about standing firm.

You may be thinking, “Dr. Bocknek hasn’t said anything about how or when to stand firm.”

You are right!

But you can’t solve Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm Part 3

In part 1 of “What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm”, we began talking about that even when you do a good job as a parent, your kids can still make mistakes. We then added that you have to help your kids deal with their mistakes and not fix it for them. I would now like to give some examples of how this plays out in the real world.

Have you ever watched an infant bang their head while crawling under the coffee table and then have the parent soothe the crying baby by hitting the table and saying “bad table”? It’s funny. Right? The baby will often be happier then.

What did we teach the baby? We didn’t teach them to be careful and learn, did we?

Now, I’m not saying you can’t do that but what makes a good parent is helping them learn.

Let’s now use a more important example. Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm Part 2

No matter how many kids you have, at some point , there will come a time when you just can’t go any further in bending to help them. This article is about giving you strength to make the tough decisions. What makes a good parent is raising your kids to be self reliant, good decision makers and good people.

Sometimes, you will be good at all three and sometimes you Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm

Let’s discuss some important points.

A huge part of a parent’s role, even in the disintegrating marriage, is to stay unified in regards to what is important for the children. It is important for the parents to keep the kids routines consistent, like before the troubles. What makes a good parent is continuing with good habits for the kids such as these:

• They continue to do their homework on schedule

• They continue to get good grades

• They continue to do chores

• They continue to show respect for both parents

• Parents continue to acknowledge good behavior in the kids

• Parents continue to overtly show affection for their kids

Let’s now move onto a more positive situation, namely the ongoing family.

A big part of what makes a good parent is using the example Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Parents Loving Each Other Part 2

I have written many an article on what makes a good parent, (see my archives here at Keyboard Culture), but today I want to talk about the parent’s relationship to each other as a foundation to having great kids.

The home is nothing if it isn’t a safe haven for your children. Your children need at least one place in their life where they can let their guard down and be themselves. This doesn’t mean that the home is a place that they can misbehave but it does mean it should be a place of comfort, love and security.

Let’s look at being on a boat as an analogy of how the parent’s relationship creates balance for our children. On land, what gives us our balance is that the earth is steady so when we walk our brain can calculate how far to reach with our legs on each step. In a boat, however, the ground is moving. When we attempt to walk on a boat the deck can come up or down with the waves and the brain is forced to constantly reset for balance. Our brain then has to work much harder for normalcy. The parent’s relationship, and it’s effect on the kids, is similar. If it’s consistent Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Parents Loving Each Other