So let’s move on to marriage problems and money issues.

Let’s begin with an important point. There are issues that you can’t help in life. There are other issues you can have under your control. You can’t control a bad economy but you can control to some degree the economics of your home. Money stresses, in a marriage are as big or bigger than sex issues. You need to handle those to avoid marriage problems.

In dealing with money issues and marriage problems I like to draw from the saying, “If all you have is lemons, make lemonade”. If your family’s economics aren’t the best, a way to improve your marriage rather than have marriage problems is to find ways to not use your credit card that can bring you and your spouse together. The first suggestion, here, is Continue reading Marriage Problems, When the Team Breaks Down, Part 3

So, since I’m assuming you all chose to turn left, lets continue.

The first point here is that what you just did in this simple model was to decide to have a happy marriage as opposed to an unhappy one. Simple as it may sound, the first step to not having marriage problems is making decisions that benefit the marriage.

How often do decisions come up about benefiting or hurting your marriage? I will give you the answer. Every single day of your life, they will come up. Let’s continue on with this idea of how they come up so often.

Can you accept that most marriage problems are based on sex and money? It is to your benefit to do so. Let’s go on like you believe it.

We will first talk about sex. When you first met, what made you desire you spouse? What made them desire you? Did they dress well for you or you for them? Were you keeping yourself in shape? We are all getting older, but we don’t have to get old. By this I mean, if we take care of ourselves physically and mentally we will stay more attractive to our spouse longer.

Conversely, if you decide that fast food is more fulfilling than having sex with your spouse, you will Continue reading Marriage Problems, When the Team Breaks Down, Part 2

Today, I was thinking about my life and marriage. Could the economy be any worse? Could the daily news be any worse? How is your marriage surviving through all this?

The saying goes “the only two things you can count on are death and taxes”. But there is one other thing you can count on if you don’t keep your eye on the ball, and that is marriage problems.

Are you having a great marriage or are you having marriage problems? When each of us got married, barring getting married due to a surprise pregnancy, we went into it with hopes and dreams of a bright future, or a feeling of security, or at least a feeling of connection. For those of you who honestly feel you have a great marriage, or at least a good one, those same feelings to some degree are still there. To those of you who are having marriage problems, something happened along the way that changed those feelings.

Let’s take a look at what happens that leads to a happy marriage or marriage problems and then give some useable suggestions. We are going to start the talk with a premise that most marriage problems begin with one of two problems. Those problems are Continue reading Marriage Problems, When the Team Breaks Down

Let’s discuss some important points.

A huge part of a parent’s role, even in the disintegrating marriage, is to stay unified in regards to what is important for the children. It is important for the parents to keep the kids routines consistent, like before the troubles. What makes a good parent is continuing with good habits for the kids such as these:

• They continue to do their homework on schedule

• They continue to get good grades

• They continue to do chores

• They continue to show respect for both parents

• Parents continue to acknowledge good behavior in the kids

• Parents continue to overtly show affection for their kids

Let’s now move onto a more positive situation, namely the ongoing family.

A big part of what makes a good parent is using the example Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Parents Loving Each Other Part 2

I have written many an article on what makes a good parent, (see my archives here at Keyboard Culture), but today I want to talk about the parent’s relationship to each other as a foundation to having great kids.

The home is nothing if it isn’t a safe haven for your children. Your children need at least one place in their life where they can let their guard down and be themselves. This doesn’t mean that the home is a place that they can misbehave but it does mean it should be a place of comfort, love and security.

Let’s look at being on a boat as an analogy of how the parent’s relationship creates balance for our children. On land, what gives us our balance is that the earth is steady so when we walk our brain can calculate how far to reach with our legs on each step. In a boat, however, the ground is moving. When we attempt to walk on a boat the deck can come up or down with the waves and the brain is forced to constantly reset for balance. Our brain then has to work much harder for normalcy. The parent’s relationship, and it’s effect on the kids, is similar. If it’s consistent Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Parents Loving Each Other

What makes a great marriage? I have been meaning to write this article for some time but have had so much to write about on what makes a good parent, I haven’t had the time.

First point is great marriages don’t just happen. Some couples will say they do, but in fact, they don’t. The beginning place of what makes a great marriage is based on the foundation that the couple is a team. Not a team like modern professional sports where a better offer comes along and you go to that new team, but like the old days where a player spends his whole career with that team. What makes a great marriage is following through and holding up to those vows that you signed a contract to. Sounds easy enough. Right? Yeah, sure.

Let’s talk about what steps make a great marriage for those wanting to be married.

1. Never marry your opposite.

Yes, opposites attract. Here’s why you Continue reading The Making of a Great Marriage

In a time of huge marriage problems,(i.e. 60% divorce rate), clearly something is askew in our vision of how to have a successful marriage.

In this article, I am going to talk about two points. The first being sexual attraction. Let’s start by mentioning a few things. For those of you who have never been married I want to say you have no idea what “for ever and ever” means. I’ll give you a hint. It is a very long time. By taking marital vows, you are bonding to someone with the intention that it will be the last intimate bond you will ever make to another person. Think about it. You are committing to Continue reading Marriage Problems, Sexual Attraction and Knowing What You Want in Life

I can’t tell you how many times I have said and heard others my age say if I knew back then what I know now, wow life could have been so much better. This isn’t that life isn’t good now. It’s just that so much pain and time wasted could have been avoided. This point applies doubly to marriage problems.

So what have I learned regarding marriage problems and marriage success.

By the time I met my wife I had already decided I was going to sell my practice, my house and move to a less complicated beach life. Its not that decision was brilliant… it turned out to not be…but it was what I determined my path was going to be. When examining the mistakes that lead to the marriage problems of my first marriage, it would have been easy to place blame and less easy to accept blame, but both of these actions wouldn’t have lead to solutions as to how to have a great future with a new person.

I decided to tell any woman, who I dated, where I was going and see where it would lead. What I found was that this was the path to Continue reading Marriage Problems and What Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

Being a veteran of marriage problems and also a veteran of, what I would consider, a very successful marriage, I want to share a few points to people who are thinking about getting married.

I would like to begin with sharing something about myself as to where my marriage problems began. I am the offspring of a divorced marriage. My parents got married at 20 years old, when my father was just beginning grad school and my mother was finishing college. I always thought their marriage problems were caused because they were too young to know any better.

That point was true enough but that was only part of the truth. Continue reading Marriage Problems and Asking Questions Before Marrying

Statistics on the survival of marriages when one of the partners travels is dismal. How does one save a marriage then?

Before, I give you a solution, let me remind you of something. You married your spouse because they were the one for you. They had that special something that allowed you to make that big leap into legalizing that enjoyment. Perhaps you are reading this article and either you or both of you forgot what that was. For the traveling partner relationship this forgetting is incredibly easier to do as you get lonelier because you are somewhere that isn’t home.

For those of you who have noticed your marriage getting significantly worse since traveling commitments have begun, I’m going to teach you how to save a marriage in two words…. Continue reading How to Save a Marriage for the Traveling Business Person