A couple of weeks ago I had a very interesting conversation with a 15 year old that made me think about what makes a good parent. The 15 year old in question was very well mannered, intelligent, and as he said “very stressed out”. I asked him if he is getting bad grades. He said no. I asked him if he is getting into trouble. He said no to this too. So I asked him what’s up. He replied he didn’t know what he was going to do with his life. I thought his comment was amazing so I decided to tell his story to a few parent friends of mine. When I brought this conversation up to them their responses were fascinating. Some asked if he is going to career counseling and others said, “he is only 15 years old”.

My point here is what makes a good parent isn’t always in line with good people with good intentions. Here’s what I mean. I know the boy’s mother. She is doing everything she can to make him successful in her mind. She has great intentions for her son and for the most part she is doing a great job with him, but he is really stressed out about his future and is only 15 years old.

For you parents reading this story, let me give you some advice. What makes a good parent is leadership.

Leadership for a 15 year old should entail the following: Continue reading Reasonable Expectations for Our Teens

In part 1 of “getting the most out of parenting”, we talked about what makes a good parent by starting with admitting you don’t know everything. In this edition we will talk about sharing with your kids, “you”. Have you ever been with someone, who you thought you wanted to be friends with and it just seemed to go no where? Why did it happen? Usually it was because you or they didn’t share your, or their, self enough to satisfy each other for the relationship to grow. These same dynamics play out the same with you and your kids.

One of the important things, then, that goes into what makes a good parent is knowing how much of you to share.

Here are some important guidelines. Continue reading Getting the Most Out of Parenting: Part 2

Being a parent, otherwise known as how to bankrupt a person one college at a time, has truly been one of the most satisfying experiences of my life. Being the father of 4 in a blended family, I thought I would share some thought on, in my view, what makes a good parent.

What makes a good parent starts with realizing you don’t know everything and then conveying this idea to your kids. Once you’ve had this epiphany, the doors are open for you to talk to your kids in a way that really is fun and enriching. Why I say this is an epiphany is because relationships are based on connection.

Connection is based on Continue reading Getting the Most Out of Parenting

In this final installment of “what makes a good parent”, we’ll discuss how to maintain leadership, with your kids, when you don’t have all the answers.

What we have accomplished so far is moved you from not knowing that you didn’t know something to realizing that you didn’t know something. As we discussed in “what makes a good parent 1″, this is the way to remove conflicts and solve problems. So now we are in a position to solve the “how to be a good parent issue”, in regards to leadership.

By exposing to your kids, your humanness, or imperfections, they may take this opportunity to get their way. After all they haven’t seen you admit mistakes before. So at this point you can disarm your kids by saying that Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent: Part 3

In looking at what makes a good parent there are some key points. The first of which is that you don’t have to be perfect, the smartest, or always right. What you do have to do to be a good parent is be a leader in your own home.

What makes a good parent, and by proxy a good leader, is to take a stance for your kids. Be a place that they can draw from for stability, safety and love. That being said, a crucial part of what makes a good parent is letting them know you are human. What this means is you will make mistakes with them and in your own life. It is important that you know that and that they know that. Furthermore, it is important that they know you know that.

What is important about the last statement? Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent

Why am I adding political issues into teen parenting? I am doing it because I still believe in the U.S. I fear that people are walking around with blinders on. We are seeing a huge rise in drop outs, teen pregnancy and now unemployment. Furthermore, we are adopting European’s failing model of Government taking care of our problems and taking care of us.

What made the U.S. great wasn’t the government. It was the pioneering innovative spirit of our country, our people. It was our ethnic diversity that lead to new ways of thinking. We, as families, Continue reading Teen Parenting and Critical Thinking: Part 3

Critical thinking is the willingness to read, watch, be open and analyze all the data you take in and come to a conclusion. A big part of teen parenting, today, probably more than ever before, is teaching your kids to take part in it.

When you embark in critical thinking conclusions reached may be the opposite of previous positions you have taken before. Why would your position change? Because new facts and compelling arguments become apparent that makes it very difficult to keep the previous notion. I’m afraid we are in the time of the dumbing up of America. Life has become so busy that true thinking is taking a back seat to letting others think for us.

To make this a balanced article on teen parenting, let me sight some examples on both sides of the political spectrum. On the right, we have turned the pro life ideology from being a strong belief to annihilating any candidate who won’t quote the bible and condemn, as a murderer, anyone who disagrees with them. On the left, Continue reading Teen Parenting and Critical Thinking Part 2

Yesterday, I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop, listening to the political dialoging that was going on. Usually, I just listen. But yesterday, I was thinking about what I wanted to write about today on teen parenting so I got involved. Because I live in San Francisco the conversation is always about agreement on how amazing President Obama is and how President Bush destroyed the country.

I was reading earlier in the day, Attorney General Eric Holder pardoned those men, who were carrying sticks outside the polling booths in Philadelphia during the elections, threatening people to vote for Obama and were caught on tape saying “this is the end for all you crackers”. These men were already arraigned and didn’t show up for court. All the justice department had to do was sentence them. AG Holder, however, pardoned them. It was the first time on record something like this has ever been done by the AGs office.

I questioned one of the guys in the coffee shop if he thought Pres. Obama was doing a great job. He, of course, said yes. I told him about the above news. He said he hadn’t heard. I asked him if it was true what happened would that make him question his faith in the president. He said, he really doesn’t care about that, and then remarked “Look at what Bush did”. I couldn’t leave it alone, at this point, so I asked him “Are facts not important to you when deciding whether you believe the president is doing well”? Continue reading Teen Parenting and Critical Thinking

Part 3 of  Teen Parenting: What is Okay?, is my opinion on teen parenting from a very personal level.

In my opinion, we have come to a point in society of polarization. It seems that most people, who are vocal, are either way left or way right.

I want to say something on this point. When 9/11 took place, we as a country, stood as one. We reprioritized what was important as a nation. We became one people. It lasted for months. All the nonsense, that is being argued now on the news, never would have been discussed. The petty partisan politics wouldn’t even be discussed.

In my opinion, our country, and seemingly the rest of the world, is in a moral pre 9/11 mentality. I feel teen parenting should be the center point of discussion of society. The majority has completely forgotten about our youth and the next generation. The educational system is not the problem. The government is not the solution. In my opinion, the decay of Continue reading Teen Parenting: What is Okay? Part 3

I was reading an article today about a huge conference in Canada that recently took place on the subject of trends in families. The subject came up about the availability of pornographic material that is available on the internet. One of the speakers was addressing the issue of sexting. Sexting is the putting on the internet, pictures of minors naked or in sexually promiscuous poses on different sites. The speaker, who is an educator in Canada, said it was wrong but that he didn’t see anything wrong with children expressing their sensuality or sexuality. Having been a parent, a lecturer and counselor on teen parenting, I can tell you we have come a long way to creating an unstable future for our world if this is a commonly held position.

Teen parenting and toddler parenting is about creating a safe and empowering environment. In pre-internet times, it was far more reasonable to let your kids out and let them test the waters. Back then, the limit of their exposure to adult issues was determined by how far they could get on their bike or later in their car. In those times, they would come in contact with other kids who had the same limited exposure. They would test and try things but very quickly they had to be home and parents could look for change in behavior. If the change was creating negative behavior in or out of the house the parent could limit their free time. Teen parenting, now, is a different animal.

Teens, now, can Continue reading Teen Parenting: What is Okay?