How has your blended family blended? Is there tension between the kids, between you and your spouse, you and your step kids?

The way to success in the blended family is dependant on family in your world view. It’s easy to talk family is the most important thing to you, but do you live it?

During these stressful financial times it’s critical to have family dinners, not as an after thought but as a priority. Because our younger kids spend time between their birth mother and our family I make sure that Continue reading How is Your Blended Family?

Being a parent, otherwise known as how to bankrupt a person one college at a time, has truly been one of the most satisfying experiences of my life. Being the father of 4 in a blended family, I thought I would share some thought on, in my view, what makes a good parent.

What makes a good parent starts with realizing you don’t know everything and then conveying this idea to your kids. Once you’ve had this epiphany, the doors are open for you to talk to your kids in a way that really is fun and enriching. Why I say this is an epiphany is because relationships are based on connection.

Connection is based on Continue reading Getting the Most Out of Parenting

Teen parenting success is based on parents being leaders. Being a leader as a parent is most difficult, especially in the blended family because our kids see our mistakes on a regular basis. Out in the world, when we are a leader, our personal foibles are not seen as openly as they are seen in the home.

In addition to our mistakes they see us in situations they often don’t fully understand. They don’t fully understand them because we don’t fully understand them either. One thing I do fully understand is that if my actions don’t reflect what my talk is then my value as a leader is diminished.

The art of teen parenting, is figuring out what to tell about our issues to our teens so it empowers them not to make the same mistakes we have made. In blended families, it is extra complicated because there are 4 parents often. When discussing personal family issues with your teens you need to share some of your weaknesses and then share with them some of the conclusions you have come to.

It is important to be strong because you need to be able to realize that some of your conclusions may not be right and to tell your teens that. The next step is to Continue reading Teen Parenting in the Blended Family: Part 3

So what happened this week? As previously discussed, relationships in the blended family or any family, is based on how big the emotional bank account is. The bank account is the accumulation of the perception of trust or enjoyment built up over time. This week I learned that my father wanted to get back in relation with me through my son. How did he know this? His step father told him this. How did the stepfather know this? Supposedly, my father told him? I haven’t spoken with my father for 8 years. Why? Let’s just leave it that my father didn’t understand or care about the emotional bank account.

Here’s an interesting issue in teen parenting. What should be done with this new information? Just so you know I am human, I will tell you my first reaction to this new revelation had nothing to do with my son. I was struggling with what this situation meant to me. I went home and discussed with my wife what took place. As usual, my wife’s take on this, was only revolving around why the step dad told my son rather than me.

I found myself alone in what was important here. To me, I discovered a long time ago that the worst thing that could happen to me and my kids would be to repeat the pattern of what happened between my father and me. To me, family is everything. I have told my kids this, and besides my divorce from their mother, here was me not talking to my father.

What I realized was Continue reading Teen Parenting in the Blended Family: Part 2

Interesting thing happened this week. I recently moved back to my favorite city, San Francisco. Now that my two oldest teens, in our blended family, are finally off to college, my wife and I have decided to move closer to our other two kids. Now that I get to see our other kids much more often, unknown things have come to the surface. I have found teen parenting is an ongoing journey of discovery, whether in a blended family or not.

The first thing I have discovered, on this new journey, is the complexity of reintegrating myself into their regular life. Some of it is great and some of it is also great. Now I get calls at any time of the day to see if I can pick my son up. Very important point about teen parenting and blended families is to cherish any time with your children, even if it is just picking them up. Any opportunity you have with them is gold. Make the most of it. Engage them in questions about their life, your life, life in general. Joke with them. Encourage them to get used to conversing with you about anything. You need to understand teen parenting is a Continue reading Teen Parenting in the Blended Family