In part 1 of “What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm”, we began talking about that even when you do a good job as a parent, your kids can still make mistakes. We then added that you have to help your kids deal with their mistakes and not fix it for them. I would now like to give some examples of how this plays out in the real world.

Have you ever watched an infant bang their head while crawling under the coffee table and then have the parent soothe the crying baby by hitting the table and saying “bad table”? It’s funny. Right? The baby will often be happier then.

What did we teach the baby? We didn’t teach them to be careful and learn, did we?

Now, I’m not saying you can’t do that but what makes a good parent is helping them learn.

Let’s now use a more important example. Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm Part 2

No matter how many kids you have, at some point , there will come a time when you just can’t go any further in bending to help them. This article is about giving you strength to make the tough decisions. What makes a good parent is raising your kids to be self reliant, good decision makers and good people.

Sometimes, you will be good at all three and sometimes you Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm

Let’s discuss some important points.

A huge part of a parent’s role, even in the disintegrating marriage, is to stay unified in regards to what is important for the children. It is important for the parents to keep the kids routines consistent, like before the troubles. What makes a good parent is continuing with good habits for the kids such as these:

• They continue to do their homework on schedule

• They continue to get good grades

• They continue to do chores

• They continue to show respect for both parents

• Parents continue to acknowledge good behavior in the kids

• Parents continue to overtly show affection for their kids

Let’s now move onto a more positive situation, namely the ongoing family.

A big part of what makes a good parent is using the example Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Parents Loving Each Other Part 2

I have written many an article on what makes a good parent, (see my archives here at Keyboard Culture), but today I want to talk about the parent’s relationship to each other as a foundation to having great kids.

The home is nothing if it isn’t a safe haven for your children. Your children need at least one place in their life where they can let their guard down and be themselves. This doesn’t mean that the home is a place that they can misbehave but it does mean it should be a place of comfort, love and security.

Let’s look at being on a boat as an analogy of how the parent’s relationship creates balance for our children. On land, what gives us our balance is that the earth is steady so when we walk our brain can calculate how far to reach with our legs on each step. In a boat, however, the ground is moving. When we attempt to walk on a boat the deck can come up or down with the waves and the brain is forced to constantly reset for balance. Our brain then has to work much harder for normalcy. The parent’s relationship, and it’s effect on the kids, is similar. If it’s consistent Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Parents Loving Each Other

Let’s continue with living with integrity. The last point we discussed was keeping your word and teaching the value of this to your teenager. Let’s look at some other essential points.

2) Acknowledgment.

Have you noticed it’s easy to find fault and comment on it? What doesn’t come as natural is acknowledging a good act. It’s important to acknowledge good behavior in your teenager. What makes a good parent is creating an environment in the home so your teenager is Continue reading Parenting and Expectations with Teenagers Part 3

In part 1 of “Parenting and Expectations with Teenagers”, we discussed what is reasonable for you as parents to do when pushing your teenager. We talked about GPA, and its importance in measuring your child’s success. The second point I want to make today about, what makes a good parent, is preparing your teenager to become an adult.

Since you are reading this article you probably are a parent and you have already experienced and learned many lessons about adulthood. My question to you then, is do you want your teenagers to suffer through the same mistakes you went through on your way to adulthood, or, are you out to help them navigate through the waters?

What makes a good parent is finding ways to bring your teenager to adulthood as painlessly as possible. In part 1, we talked about doing well in school and using GPA as a measuring stick. Now let’s talk about living life with integrity.

Living life with integrity is easy to say, harder to do. Don’t you agree? Continue reading Parenting and Expectations with Teenagers Part 2

Today, I want to talk about what is reasonable for a parent to do when pushing our teenagers forward.

What makes a good parent is being able to come up with a plan for your teenager, implementing it and then, when things don’t go according to plan, being able to alter the plan to keep your teen moving in a good direction.

Where do you begin when coming up with a plan?

What makes a good parent requires, you as the parent, stepping back from your own busy schedule and taking the time to give quality energy into thinking about what you want for your teenagers. This doesn’t mean general terms like, “you want them to be happy, you want them to be successful or you want them to be good people”.

If you have taken the time to read my previous posts you will know that I have written extensively on these core principles before. Let’s leave it to say, for this article, that your teenager being happy, successful and a good person are the building blocks of true success in life, but here I want to be more specific.

Let’s spend a little time with some concrete action steps and ideas for implementing what makes a good parent. We will be keeping our discussion today to addressing teenagers in high school or college.

1) Grade point average. Like it or not GPA is a critical measuring stick of how your teenager is doing. For those of you reading this and thinking GPA doesn’t matter, I highly encourage you to look inside and recognize the err of your thought process. You most likely are falling into one of two categories,

a) You are being defensive because your teenager isn’t doing well, or

b) you are one of those people stuck in the sixties progressive (actually regressive) mindsets that competition is bad.

The facts are that colleges look at GPA when your teen is applying for school, when they are in school and when they are applying for grad school. If time is an issue for you as a parent then you should know GPA is probably the easiest way for a parent to judge how their teenager is standing up relative to other teenagers and to how your parenting style is working.

So what you want to do is sit down with your teenager and let them know what your expectations are in regards to GPA, (I highly recommend 3.5 because scholarships and grants often use that number as the minimum requirement). Then you let your teenager know that attaining that GPA is going to be the centerpiece of what they think about.

Teenagers need to understand that doing well in school is their job. You take your job seriously and they need to take their job seriously. Creating this mindset will go a long way for them to create success in their life.

Please read part 2 of Parenting and expectations with teenagers.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

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Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

In part 1 of “Parenting and Unconditional Positive Regard”, we talked about dealing with issues regarding your child’s school issues. In this issue, I want to talk about daily things we do or don’t do and what makes a good parent, resembles our action.

I want to start this discussion with the premise that your desire to have a great relationship with your children, is a core part of what you view as what makes a good parent.

Let’s start by looking at how we view activities with our children. What makes a good parent is getting to the mindset that scheduling in time with our kids, (including our teens), is an essential pathway to creating a positive relationship with our children.

What did what I just said mean? It meant explain to your kids why you want to schedule in time with them.

What makes a good parent is; Continue reading Parenting and Unconditional Positive Regard Part 2

The third part of what makes a good parent, action and patience involves giving your child a vision of the future. One thing I have learned from years of working with children and teens is that they pretty much don’t see how today’s actions can affect their life in the future.

I’ll give you a personal example. When my wife and I got together my second step son had some issues with it and he was acting out. Unfortunately, for him, one of those ways was to stop studying for his classes. In one semester he got three D’s. He literally had to spend the rest of his high school tenure making up for that mistake. Trust me, if he had known then what he knows now he never would have chosen that direction to act out. As it turned out he got a scholarship to Clemson in engineering but he had to kick some major butt to get it.

A great technique in helping your children develop, (and what makes a good parent), is to give them Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent…Action and Patience Part 3

In this section of “What makes a good parent, action and patience” we will talk about how to achieve a good relationship between parents and children. As I was being interviewed for a national parenting magazine yesterday our conversation moved to what it takes to achieve the good relationship. If I had one point to mention above all others, it would be for the parent to be consistent. Not that your children are animals but let’s think of raising your children in simple terms like training a puppy.

On some levels what makes a good parent is the same as being a good dog trainer. If your puppy chews on your furniture and one time you punish him and the next time you don’t the puppy becomes confused whether chewing on the furniture is acceptable or not. It’s the same with your kids. With a consistent response to your child’s behavior you have the best chance of having a strong relationship with them.

How does this consistency translate into a good relationship? This is the essence of what makes a good parent. Here are some important points: Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Action and Patience Part 2