What we have accomplished so far is moved you from not knowing that you didn’t know something to realizing that you didn’t know something. As we discussed in “what makes a good parent 1″, this is the way to remove conflicts and solve problems. So now we are in a position to solve the “how to be a good parent issue”, in regards to leadership.

By exposing to your kids, your humanness, or imperfections, they may take this opportunity to get their way. After all they haven’t seen you admit mistakes before. So at this point you can disarm your kids by saying that “look, its not that I’m wrong for the first time. It’s that it may be the first time I’m admitting it. I’m admitting it because I’ve realized that you are old enough to understand now that a good leader must admit mistakes so that the rest of the house can grow. So let’s get down to business and realize that even though we fight, we still love each other. Right? (get them to say right!), Ok lets work through this. This is what I’m unhappy about …do you understand. Finish with, “but always remember just because I scream doesn’t change that I love you…I just need you to respect that I am the leader here and you need to respect that”. “But you can call me on when I over react. OK”?

What makes a good parent is the working through, ( ie. Being the leader on the path.)

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

As mentioned in “what makes a good parent 1″, remember, you don’t have to be perfect. With that point in mind, think of life in terms that life is not about getting to the finish line. It is about the path that you take to get to the finish line. In other words, think of the finish line as being 6 ft. under and the path as all the joy and excitement you experience in life. You won’t be in such a rush then to get to the finish line.

In the case that you don’t have the answer with your kids…where’s the win, how do help your kids? It’s in the discussion with them about what took place, how you or they over- reacted, how the real issue is about how it affects your relationship to each other. What makes a good parent is helping your kids sort through those non easy to solve issues that are such a big part of life.

I guarantee you, you will find that the more you don’t come off to your kids, that you have all the answers, the more you will connect with them.

In part 3 of “what makes a good parent” we will futher this discussion so that when you don’t have the answer you can still be the leader.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

What makes a good parent, and by proxy a good leader, is to take a stance for your kids. Be a place that they can draw from for stability, safety and love. That being said, a crucial part of what makes a good parent is letting them know you are human. What this means is you will make mistakes with them and in your own life. It is important that you know that and that they know that. Furthermore, it is important that they know you know that.

What is important about the last statement?

Werner Earhardt, from the old EST and Forum days, used to talk about in order to learn you have to realize that you don’t know something. Then you can go and study it. He went further to talk about most problems and misunderstanding happen when you don’t know that you don’t know something.

In regards to what makes a good parent, if your kids think that you don’t know when you are right or wrong, you probably won’t know when they are right or wrong either. They will then sometimes come to the conclusion that you don’t understand them and hence not be willing to listen to you. The point, then, is to be honest not just with them but with yourself about when you don’t know the answer.

In part two of what makes a good parent we will talk about how to deal with your kids when you don’t have the answer.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.