I took the computers away except for school and never allowed computers in their room. The computer addiction was quite apparent at this time. They were screaming, slamming doors and sleeping a lot. We talked a lot with them at this point. They weren’t happy but started to come out of their room. What came out of their mouth, made me want them back in their room but it slowly got better. They literally transformed to much more enjoyable kids again.

In the words of Marshall Mclewen, our society is becoming a nation of vidiots. But I don’t think even Marshall could have predicted the computer addiction of today. To you parents, who have young children, do yourself, and your children, a favor. Keep their computer in a public room so you can monitor their time and content. I would highly suggest the computer should only be for educational endeavors. For you parents of teens, use the same rule. Keep their computer in a public area. No computer, during the week for anything but school stuff. On the weekend, only let your teens have an agreed upon time frame for using the computer.

Computer addiction is insidious and all around you. Your child’s growth is partly based on real socializing with you and their peers face to face. Create the computer rules of the house so it empowers your children to grow.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

What makes a good parent is preparing for this inevitable time by setting up ground rules. The first thing for you to think about, as a parent, is having rules about what kind of things have to take place for the teen to earn the right to have more independence. Yes, I just said that going out is a privilege and not a right. It is critical, as a parent, that this rule is not negotiable. I can to tell you from experience that if you don’t want to spend long hours worrying about them or not worrying and getting that phone call that you don’t want to get, take control.

Now, let’s talk about what some of those rules ought to be in order to get those privileges.

The “What makes a good parent” rules:

• The teen needs to exhibit a responsible demeanor that justifies new privileges

• The teen needs to being doing well in school

• The teen needs to respond to a parent in a way that the parent can be comfortable when the teen is away

Responsible demeanor means your teen recognizes that you are the boss and not them. It means that they have a responsibility to act with dignity out in the world and not like a thug. Teens are a work in progress. They learn by watching their friends or by other teens they want to be friends with. Without teaching your teens about their responsibilities, they will be quite susceptible to those other teens. What makes a good parent is teaching them constantly what a good demeanor is and rewarding them for displaying good judgment with more privileges and taking away privileges for bad judgment.

Now, we are going to discuss good grades. You can’t get around it, parents. A huge part of what makes a good parent is helping your teen achieve in life. Socializing is an important part of growth in teenagers. No one is arguing that. But be a leader with your teen. If they aren’t doing well in school, they aren’t going to do better with more socializing. It is critical that your teen associates privileges with doing well in school. If you have bought into the idea that grades don’t really matter, I have 3 words for you… “get over it”. If your teen is not doing well in school, they shouldn’t be going out, period, until they improve.

Please read part 3.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Ask all the prevalent questions. Have a meeting with the teacher without the student and maybe afterwards, with the your child. Stand firm. Let the child or teen know all the facts you have found out and help them form a strategy for success in the class.  Let them know you will be monitoring them so that the strategy will be implemented. Regularly, let them know that this kind of strategy is what they will need to do in their life to increase the odds that they will be successful and that’s why they need to do it.

Let’s now talk about standing firm.

You may be thinking, “Dr. Bocknek hasn’t said anything about how or when to stand firm.”

You are right!

But you can’t solve two problems if you can’t even solve one. This means you have to have a strategy for success for your kids first before you can help them work through their mistakes. So far we have been talking about how to implement a successful strategy. What makes a good parent is recognizing that no strategy always works and no one always follows the strategy.

Parents, you do no service to your children by not having them take personal responsibility for their outcomes. This doesn’t mean throwing your children in jail. It does mean you can’t keep protecting them when they don’t do the right thing.

Standing firm with your children is about helping them to be a success in life. What makes a good parent is having an honest relationship with your children, where they know that they are expected to do the right thing and when they don’t that there is a penalty. Having children is a responsibility to yourself, your family and your country. Stand firm with your kids. You will be happy you did.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Have you ever watched an infant bang their head while crawling under the coffee table and then have the parent soothe the crying baby by hitting the table and saying “bad table”? It’s funny. Right? The baby will often be happier then.

What did we teach the baby? We didn’t teach them to be careful and learn, did we?

Now, I’m not saying you can’t do that but what makes a good parent is helping them learn.

Let’s now use a more important example.

Let’s say your teen is doing poorly in a class and you confront him or her about it. They claim their teacher is being unfair to them or their teacher doesn’t like them. What should you do?

I have many times witnessed parents running into the school yelling at the school or the teacher. I have also experienced parents yelling at their kids without finding out what happened. With either of these approaches what did your child learn and which approach is better? Maybe a better question is what didn’t they learn?

What makes a good parent is helping them learn and succeed through mistakes. Let’s look at common outcomes to the two previous mentioned situations.

I believe the worst outcome happens when the parent yells at the school especially in the presence of the child. Why? Because what can the child learn? They can learn that blaming others for their outcome in life is a totally reasonable way to get out of problems. It completely removes responsibility from your child. It may feel good to do this. It creates short term pleasure as having the blame removed from them. The problem is that the long term trouble of not taking responsibility for one’s self can only lead to chronic problems in the future as the child learns no strategy of how to get out of trouble.

The second strategy, of yelling at your child, at least confronts the child to take responsibility for their outcomes. Humans are motivated by getting out of pain or moving toward pleasure, so yelling at them will make them do something that will get them out of pain. The problem is that sometimes they will study harder to get out of pain and sometimes they will avoid you or do drugs to get out of the pain. Successful strategies aim at moving your child through good decision making. When they understand how to get a desired result the odds of success are much better.

Please read part 3 of What makes a good parent and standing firm.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Sometimes, you will be good at all three and sometimes you will only be good at one or two of these. I would love to say that if you most of the time do the right thing the right results will come out. I can’t. What I can tell you is that it is an odds game. What I mean by that is that if you do the right thing most of the time, with your kids, the odds are most of the time you will get the results you want. What makes a good parent is the ability to make the tough decisions, no matter how painful, to move your kids to the right place.

The first point in making the tough decisions is doing your best as a parent. This may seem like an obvious point but I want to speak about it a little. Especially to mothers reading this article, what makes a good parent is accepting you can’t be mommy for ever. You can be a strong mother, forever, just not the mother who is raising a baby. For many of you, this will be extremely difficult. Many mothers have a level of nurturing, hard-wired into your system, that very few men will ever develop or understand.

In my experience, accompanying this huge nurturing capacity is a certain amount of, “I can’t do enough for my kids” capacity as well. Part of the reason for this latter part is the feeling that if you didn’t have this mentality you wouldn’t be doing your best as a parent. On this point, what makes a good parent is the ability to realize inside when you did your best, your kids at some point will still make mistakes and it’s not your fault. When they make those mistakes, they will need to be responsible and work their way out, themselves. Teens, especially, need a chance to work out their issues themselves, whether it be in doing badly on a test in school or getting a speeding ticket.

Parents, you have and will make bad decisions in your life. How you deal and have dealt with them now shapes your life. Helping your children deal with their bad decisions, as children and teens, is one of the most important things you can do for them. Handling their bad decisions for them, without out them taking responsibility is one of the surest ways to make them more likely to have a hard time as an adult.

Please read part 2 of “What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm”.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

A huge part of a parent’s role, even in the disintegrating marriage, is to stay unified in regards to what is important for the children. It is important for the parents to keep the kids routines consistent, like before the troubles. What makes a good parent is continuing with good habits for the kids such as these:

• They continue to do their homework on schedule

• They continue to get good grades

• They continue to do chores

• They continue to show respect for both parents

• Parents continue to acknowledge good behavior in the kids

• Parents continue to overtly show affection for their kids

Let’s now move onto a more positive situation, namely the ongoing family.

A big part of what makes a good parent is using the example of yourselves, as a couple, so your kids can see what a healthy adult relationship is like. Many of us were raised in a broken home. Many of us had never seen a parental relationship that lasted. If you are still married, use your marriage as a learning tool for your kids.

Fathers and mothers each have a unique perspective. It’s important to share those with your kids. Just a subtle point on men and women… Men and women can be equal in marriage but different in their perspective. Learn to enjoy and share the differences between men and women with your kids. Share your affection to each other in front of the kids. Hugging and kissing are quite acceptable behavior. Thank your spouse for cutting the lawn, cooking or cleaning or paying for dinner. Do it in front of the kids. Compliment your spouse on what a good job they did. If you argue, when you cool down enough make sure you hug, for yourself and them. Part of what makes a good parent is letting your kids see how two adults can have disagreements and that it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.

Take the time to explain to them that the family is the center point of your life and that you are all a team and that its for life. America needs you to be this. America has gotten to a bad place morally and ethically and it is important for great people like you reading this article to make the effort.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

The home is nothing if it isn’t a safe haven for your children. Your children need at least one place in their life where they can let their guard down and be themselves. This doesn’t mean that the home is a place that they can misbehave but it does mean it should be a place of comfort, love and security.

Let’s look at being on a boat as an analogy of how the parent’s relationship creates balance for our children. On land, what gives us our balance is that the earth is steady so when we walk our brain can calculate how far to reach with our legs on each step. In a boat, however, the ground is moving. When we attempt to walk on a boat the deck can come up or down with the waves and the brain is forced to constantly reset for balance. Our brain then has to work much harder for normalcy. The parent’s relationship, and it’s effect on the kids, is similar. If it’s consistent the child’s brain has that much less to occupy it’s attention. When the parents are out of balance most likely so are the kids.

What makes a good parent is making sure the home has that stable ground so your child’s brain doesn’t go into overwhelm. The parent’s relationship to each other can often be a rock from which the kids can grow healthily or a tidal wave that leads to instability.

Let’s, then, go into a few points about what makes a good parent in regards to parent’s relationship to each other. We will be begin with the worst scenario, which is the family of the divorcing or soon to be divorcing parents. You may be wondering why I am including divorcing parents in a discussion of what makes a good parent. Here’s why.

One of the most important jobs a parent has is insuring that his or her offspring is a success in life. This doesn’t stop because the parents are unable to find a way to have happiness together.

Please read “What makes a good parent, parents loving each other part 2″ where we will go into those points.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

What makes a good parent is being able to come up with a plan for your teenager, implementing it and then, when things don’t go according to plan, being able to alter the plan to keep your teen moving in a good direction.

Where do you begin when coming up with a plan?

What makes a good parent requires, you as the parent, stepping back from your own busy schedule and taking the time to give quality energy into thinking about what you want for your teenagers. This doesn’t mean general terms like, “you want them to be happy, you want them to be successful or you want them to be good people”.

If you have taken the time to read my previous posts you will know that I have written extensively on these core principles before. Let’s leave it to say, for this article, that your teenager being happy, successful and a good person are the building blocks of true success in life, but here I want to be more specific.

Let’s spend a little time with some concrete action steps and ideas for implementing what makes a good parent. We will be keeping our discussion today to addressing teenagers in high school or college.

1) Grade point average. Like it or not GPA is a critical measuring stick of how your teenager is doing. For those of you reading this and thinking GPA doesn’t matter, I highly encourage you to look inside and recognize the err of your thought process. You most likely are falling into one of two categories,

a) You are being defensive because your teenager isn’t doing well, or

b) you are one of those people stuck in the sixties progressive (actually regressive) mindsets that competition is bad.

The facts are that colleges look at GPA when your teen is applying for school, when they are in school and when they are applying for grad school. If time is an issue for you as a parent then you should know GPA is probably the easiest way for a parent to judge how their teenager is standing up relative to other teenagers and to how your parenting style is working.

So what you want to do is sit down with your teenager and let them know what your expectations are in regards to GPA, (I highly recommend 3.5 because scholarships and grants often use that number as the minimum requirement). Then you let your teenager know that attaining that GPA is going to be the centerpiece of what they think about.

Teenagers need to understand that doing well in school is their job. You take your job seriously and they need to take their job seriously. Creating this mindset will go a long way for them to create success in their life.

Please read part 2 of Parenting and expectations with teenagers.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

What makes a good parent begins with the parent’s unconditional positive regard for their children. But what does unconditional positive regard mean? I would like to begin with telling you what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean when your child is failing or doing poorly in school that you say, “its ok honey, you’ll do better next time”. It doesn’t mean, when your children talks back to you that you take it because you love them.

What makes a good parent is standing up, and leading your children with unconditional positive regard as I’m going to describe to you right now.

When your child is doing poorly in school, you begin with taking responsibility within yourself how you weren’t on top of how they were doing. I’m not going to call you a bad parent if your child does poorly in school. But, I can tell you, what ever parenting style you use, if your child repeats poor performance a second straight semester and you haven’t made major changes in what you as a parent do, you are not doing what makes a good parent.

So what would you do in this circumstance? You lay down the law. Sit down with them and tell them of your expectations. You go to the school and have a meeting with their teachers to find out what is going on. (On this point, you will not go to the school with the aim of blaming the teachers for your child’s failures. This is not unconditional positive regard. This is stupidity).

After you have heard what the teachers say, you then sit down with your child and explain to them that you love them and because you love them these are the steps we are going to take until the grades come up to an acceptable level. These steps could be like no computer or video games. No going out until after homework is done and you have checked it.

This is unconditional positive regard. Unconditional positive regard means that you always love your children and you let them know it. It also means that you take a stand for them when you feel they are out of line with what you as a parent think is right for them. In effect, as a parent, you take responsibility.

Stay tuned for part 2

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

I’ll give you a personal example. When my wife and I got together my second step son had some issues with it and he was acting out. Unfortunately, for him, one of those ways was to stop studying for his classes. In one semester he got three D’s. He literally had to spend the rest of his high school tenure making up for that mistake. Trust me, if he had known then what he knows now he never would have chosen that direction to act out. As it turned out he got a scholarship to Clemson in engineering but he had to kick some major butt to get it.

A great technique in helping your children develop, (and what makes a good parent), is to give them your insight about how their actions now can affect them, positively and negatively throughout their life. A few examples of this are:

• Getting the children to support each other rather than compete against each other in positive things like school, achievements or sports.

• Let them see how their grades can affect them getting into college and then not having debt when they graduate.

• How having sex or unsafe sex can ruin their future before their life even starts.

There are countless examples to use. When using this technique it is very important to share with your children how some of your actions have really hurt you or helped you. The more real it is to them the more effective the technique will be.

Well, that’s about all I have to say for today.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

On some levels what makes a good parent is the same as being a good dog trainer. If your puppy chews on your furniture and one time you punish him and the next time you don’t the puppy becomes confused whether chewing on the furniture is acceptable or not. It’s the same with your kids. With a consistent response to your child’s behavior you have the best chance of having a strong relationship with them.

How does this consistency translate into a good relationship? This is the essence of what makes a good parent. Here are some important points:

• Your children are not adults. They are like sponges. What they experience the most is what they internalize.

• Children move away from punishment and toward pleasure. When they do something wrong it’s important that they understand the reasons for the punishment and then immediately remind them how it was when they did the same thing right.

• Acknowledge, often, their good behavior and achievements.

Children thrive on knowing their parents are proud of them. Here’s the thing, though, what makes a good parent is only rewarding good behavior and not bad behavior. This seems obvious but have you ever defended your child, in front of them, when you knew they were wrong? Have you ever let them stay up just to stop them from whining? Of course you have. We are human parents and we have our own weaknesses.

The point is not to be perfect as a parent but to strive for consistent responses, positive and negative, your children can count on. They need you to be a guiding light for them, a safe place they can go to when they aren’t sure of the right thing to do. The more you become that beacon, the stronger your relationship. Test being that consistent beacon and you will love the results.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

One of the important things, then, that goes into what makes a good parent is knowing how much of you to share.

Here are some important guidelines.

• Share with them some times when you were punished, why and how you dealt with it. It’s important to give some hindsight enlightenment.

• Side step, as much as possible, the “did you use drugs question”. If you can’t, don’t embellish about how much fun you had doing them. I have found it most beneficial, to ponder how far I might have gone, in my life, if I was a little more serious at their age and had a little more guidance.

• The sex issue is very complicated. I often have talked about the pathetic level of teen pregnancy going on. With the boys, I have told them they just need to be aware that their hormones, once kicked in, become incredibly distracting but never forget they have a responsibility to succeed in school. With my daughter, I told her no boy at this age has any clue to how they are feeling and will say anything to satisfy their hormonal rush.

• On almost any other topic, share with your kids often, as if they are adults. Let them see your opinion. Ask them theirs. Encourage them to debate with you. Acknowledge their points and admit when you are just giving an opinion so they can offer theirs.

In getting to what makes a good parent, share you carefully. I feel if you are going to be a parent, enjoy your kids. This doesn’t just mean buy them things and take them places. It most often means having meaningful conversations.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

What we have accomplished so far is moved you from not knowing that you didn’t know something to realizing that you didn’t know something. As we discussed in “what makes a good parent 1″, this is the way to remove conflicts and solve problems. So now we are in a position to solve the “how to be a good parent issue”, in regards to leadership.

By exposing to your kids, your humanness, or imperfections, they may take this opportunity to get their way. After all they haven’t seen you admit mistakes before. So at this point you can disarm your kids by saying that “look, its not that I’m wrong for the first time. It’s that it may be the first time I’m admitting it. I’m admitting it because I’ve realized that you are old enough to understand now that a good leader must admit mistakes so that the rest of the house can grow. So let’s get down to business and realize that even though we fight, we still love each other. Right? (get them to say right!), Ok lets work through this. This is what I’m unhappy about …do you understand. Finish with, “but always remember just because I scream doesn’t change that I love you…I just need you to respect that I am the leader here and you need to respect that”. “But you can call me on when I over react. OK”?

What makes a good parent is the working through, ( ie. Being the leader on the path.)

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

As mentioned in “what makes a good parent 1″, remember, you don’t have to be perfect. With that point in mind, think of life in terms that life is not about getting to the finish line. It is about the path that you take to get to the finish line. In other words, think of the finish line as being 6 ft. under and the path as all the joy and excitement you experience in life. You won’t be in such a rush then to get to the finish line.

In the case that you don’t have the answer with your kids…where’s the win, how do help your kids? It’s in the discussion with them about what took place, how you or they over- reacted, how the real issue is about how it affects your relationship to each other. What makes a good parent is helping your kids sort through those non easy to solve issues that are such a big part of life.

I guarantee you, you will find that the more you don’t come off to your kids, that you have all the answers, the more you will connect with them.

In part 3 of “what makes a good parent” we will futher this discussion so that when you don’t have the answer you can still be the leader.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

What made the U.S. great wasn’t the government. It was the pioneering innovative spirit of our country, our people. It was our ethnic diversity that lead to new ways of thinking. We, as families, drove our kids to think and create. Parents used to sacrifice, so the next generation would have more. A big part of teen parenting was this mentality. We are now well into the age of the disintegrating family and reaping the rewards. Countless teens are being raised without a father.

All we hear is how our education system is failing us, our government isn’t doing enough. We have to regain our self dignity. Until the day has returned when we look in the mirror and accept where we are is because what we do, ourselves, we truly are lost.

I hope when you finish reading this blog on teen parenting, you go hug your kids and your spouse, tell them you love them, and remember to teach them to think.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Today’s subject is about the dummying of America. With the advent of the internet, and all that increase to information that we never had as kids, one would think our kids would be doing better in school. What I have found, however, in my experience and research, is that parents who greatly limit what the kids are accessing on the internet, is often the difference between students getting bad grades or not.

What I mean about the dummying of America is that our kids now can get simplistic answers to complex questions with the flick of a button. Rather than having to analyze data, they can get opinions at will. Why students are getting bad grades is because many have no patience to do the hard work it takes to form opinions.

Some solutions to why are students getting bad grades begins with parents…

a) insisting their kids have time set aside for reading everyday. This makes the child visualize written words and use their imagination,

b) limiting their time on the computer to completing school work,

c) limiting their time on tvs to educational programs,

d) taking them to museums and art galleries that have docents.

In closing, the key to why are students getting bad grades is the expectation of instant gratification rather than using their brains. Not all learning is easy, but what in life that is worth having has ever come easy?

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Why should your kids have chores?

Can you answer this question that will make sense to your kids and get them to do them?

If you can’t answer the question you just figured out the first problem. If you can answer the question and your kids aren’t doing their chores then you haven’t explained it to them properly.

Parenting Tip #1

Humans do things that makes sense to them.

The answer to why your kids should do chores is because they are part of the family and their contribution to the family is critical to the success of the family. It is no different than dad or mom going to work. Explain to them, it has nothing to do with wants. It has everything to do with needs. You can tell them what if you didn’t go to work anymore or didn’t food shop anymore because you didn’t want to. A funny conversation is, you could tell them “Do you want to poop everyday? But you still do it. Why? Because you need to”. Explain to your kids a clean house creates dignity and respect in the family. This changes the conversation about chores to them caring about the family by doing their chores instead of their room being messy.

Parenting Tip #2

Families survive by the family members fulfilling their roles.

Parents work, cook, lead etc. That is their role. Kid’s roles are chores, doing well in school and being respectful, etc.

When explaining this to the child or teen it becomes clear to them they are important and matter. What they do matters. All rewards and punishments with the children then become tied to their contribution to the family. This is the back bone of getting your kids to do their chores. Try these initial steps and you will start getting results. Contact me if you are still having problems.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Whether you are religious or not, you most likely consider yourself someone who is ethical and moral. This is good. It means you have taken some time to realize you want to be a good person. Maybe the most important thing we can impart to our kids is a desire to be a good person. The first of the parenting tips is this: We don’t get to say we are a good person and then do the opposite. If we do this we pass this problem on to our kids. “Do as I say, not as I do”, never worked for us and it won’t work for our kids. So, lets talk about one issue today.

Judging others or other groups is a hugely common thing to do. The problem with judgment is that it is almost always negative. Negativity is like a virus. Have you ever noticed as soon as you say anything judgmental about a group it takes almost nothing to get a bunch of people to start the conversation. We, as adults, need to make snap decisions all day long and judgments are a way to simplify so we can keep going. If we had to analyze everything we did all day we wouldn’t get out of the house in the morning, so we make “snap judgments” to keep going.

The parenting tips, now, are to acknowledge we need to make judgments but, in front of our kids, we must take enough energy so that we aren’t making negative judgments about other groups without forethought and fairness.

Our kids are being exposed to many things we never were as kids. Rather than filling our kids up with negative judgments about other groups, learn about these groups and teach your kids about how our actions will lead us to trouble or happiness. Many things that we see can be a learning experience that is positive for our kids. This doesn’t mean we don’t teach our kids our values. The parenting tip here is teach our kids our empowering ideas and try to avoid our negative judgments. The world our kids grow up depends on it.

Take care,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

From the beginning of childhood it is important in society to create a sense of continuity. A simple way for a child to begin this process is to address adults properly. It is the most basic side of acknowledgement. Think, what if we didn’t call our Generals, general or captains, captain or coaches, coach.

These parenting tips are aimed at regaining dignity is society. Adults, even ones who have not been that successful in life, deserve a chance to be addressed with respect. In many ways being addressed correctly is a right of passage in society. Although we become an adult no matter what we do, societies are successful only when respect and dignity play a role. Rituals, like these, bring order to a society that since the sixties have thrown out many cohesive rituals.

Lastly, being respected is a sign of acknowledgement, something that we all could use a little more often and addressing adults correctly is a simple way to do it and show it. These parenting tips are not just for kids. Adults, too, can always raise the bar.

Let me know if I can be of service to you.

Sincerely,

Dr. Robert Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

**********

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com. He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com Dr. Bocknek.

1) Why does yelling occur?

2) What harmful effects come from it?

3) What are the alternatives?

Parenting Tip 1

Yelling occurs from two paths. The first being it is a trained behavior that different cultures use and it was how the parent’s parents dealt with issues. The second being, and the more important one I believe, is when the parent loses their composure due one of many reasons.

Parenting Tip 2

The harmful effects to children, if not handled carefully, can lead to problems with self esteem, bonding and desensitization to communication.

Parenting Tip 3

The alternative is to talk and reason with children in a way the child understands how penalties and rewards are associated with behavior that is inappropriate or appropriate.

Here, I will give one parenting tip how to stop yelling.

Yelling, occurs when the parent momentarily loses himself or herself as the leader and inspiration to the family. The family is the core of society and in the family each member has a role to play. Probably, the most important role for any parent, besides making enough money to pay the bills, is to be the leader. A great leader, rationally evaluates a situation and comes to the best conclusion given the circumstances. A great leader guides their troops with understanding, direction and reward and punishment. In the family, it is important to constantly reward good behavior as often as criticizing bad behavior. If parents do this children will start doing things that warrant rewards from the parents. The best reward is to compliment them and to remind them how much we love them.

I could write a book on the subject and I would love to talk to you. Let me know how I can help.

Dr. Robert Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

**********

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com. He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.