The way to success in the blended family is dependant on family in your world view. It’s easy to talk family is the most important thing to you, but do you live it?

During these stressful financial times it’s critical to have family dinners, not as an after thought but as a priority. Because our younger kids spend time between their birth mother and our family I make sure that the Sabbath dinner is something special. We aren’t hammering the kids with rituals but we do light the candles, drink wine and break the bread. It is a connecting point. In your family, do something that you guys can connect to in your blended family. Make the meals pleasant and fun.

If some of the kids are off to college call the step kids and talk about their school, their girl or boy friends. Just be real and re-cement the relationship that came into being when you began your blended family. Remember families are for life this time around.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

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Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

First point is great marriages don’t just happen. Some couples will say they do, but in fact, they don’t. The beginning place of what makes a great marriage is based on the foundation that the couple is a team. Not a team like modern professional sports where a better offer comes along and you go to that new team, but like the old days where a player spends his whole career with that team. What makes a great marriage is following through and holding up to those vows that you signed a contract to. Sounds easy enough. Right? Yeah, sure.

Let’s talk about what steps make a great marriage for those wanting to be married.

1. Never marry your opposite.

Yes, opposites attract. Here’s why you like your opposite. They are foreign. They do and think differently than you. This is very exciting. What will happen eventually, though, is once you get past that initial , “everything is new and great” stage, you start to experience that you never want to do the same thing. You don’t like the same things. You may not even like the same TV shows or food or thoughts on having children. This is not what makes a great marriage.

2. Marry someone who has similar core values as you do.

What are core values? These are the values that are central to you. For instance, you both believe having children is an important part of marriage, (or not). Working hard or saving money could be a core value. Being independent can be a core value. Be careful with those who still think that independence is their primary core value because they are most likely not ready for marriage.

3. Really enjoy the sex with your partner and them with you.

Do what it takes to make this happen. I’ve said it before, “you can have a bad marriage with great sex but you can’t have a great marriage with bad sex”. This point alone is key to what makes a great marriage.

For those of you who want to be married or are thinking about getting married, let me tell you something. Forever is a long time. So take your time, find out what your core values are, find someone who has similar ones and who you really are attracted to. Its not easy but well worth it.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek