We are now going to talk about the third part of “what makes a good parent rules”. Even when you are doing a good job with your teens, they will find ways to test you. One of them is not returning your phone call when they go out. If you don’t want to go insane, tie their privileges to them responding to your phone call in a timely manner. Furthermore, set up times when they go out when they should check in so you have some sort of control when they are out. If you don’t do this yet and are thinking this is micromanaging, let me give you something to think about.

Remember what these “what makes a good parent” articles are about. They are about being able to let go with your teen and not be miserable. Trust me, the less you are stressing out about your teen going out, the better the experience is going to be for you and for them. If you know they have good common sense and represent you well out in the world, you will be less stressed. If they are doing well in school, you will feel better about letting them go out. Furthermore, on this front, when they are doing well in school they tend to hang out with a better, brighter group. Lastly, when they are staying out late or for a long time, knowing that you can get a hold of them greatly diminishes stress.

On a closing note, with this “what makes a good parent” topic, allowing your teen to have more freedom and seeing that for the most part they handle it well, is another opportunity for you to be proud of the job you are doing as a parent. Remember, raising great responsible kids, is a critical part of helping create a great society. When you look around at all the problems in society and all the bad news on TV you will be able to feel good that you are playing a huge part in not adding to the mess.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

We have already discussed in part 1 that independence is a natural occurrence, so let’s move into setting up ground rules so we as parents can survive this time without going insane and they as teens can go out without ruining their lives before they even start.

What makes a good parent is preparing for this inevitable time by setting up ground rules. The first thing for you to think about, as a parent, is having rules about what kind of things have to take place for the teen to earn the right to have more independence. Yes, I just said that going out is a privilege and not a right. It is critical, as a parent, that this rule is not negotiable. I can to tell you from experience that if you don’t want to spend long hours worrying about them or not worrying and getting that phone call that you don’t want to get, take control.

Now, let’s talk about what some of those rules ought to be in order to get those privileges.

The “What makes a good parent” rules:

• The teen needs to exhibit a responsible demeanor that justifies new privileges

• The teen needs to being doing well in school

• The teen needs to respond to a parent in a way that the parent can be comfortable when the teen is away

Responsible demeanor means your teen recognizes that you are the boss and not them. It means that they have a responsibility to act with dignity out in the world and not like a thug. Teens are a work in progress. They learn by watching their friends or by other teens they want to be friends with. Without teaching your teens about their responsibilities, they will be quite susceptible to those other teens. What makes a good parent is teaching them constantly what a good demeanor is and rewarding them for displaying good judgment with more privileges and taking away privileges for bad judgment.

Now, we are going to discuss good grades. You can’t get around it, parents. A huge part of what makes a good parent is helping your teen achieve in life. Socializing is an important part of growth in teenagers. No one is arguing that. But be a leader with your teen. If they aren’t doing well in school, they aren’t going to do better with more socializing. It is critical that your teen associates privileges with doing well in school. If you have bought into the idea that grades don’t really matter, I have 3 words for you… “get over it”. If your teen is not doing well in school, they shouldn’t be going out, period, until they improve.

Please read part 3.

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

*******

Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Continuing from part 2, understand, humans often take the easiest way to get out of pain and that’s why drug use is so prevalent in society. What makes a good parent in this situation is for the parent to call the school and find out what happened.

Ask all the prevalent questions. Have a meeting with the teacher without the student and maybe afterwards, with the your child. Stand firm. Let the child or teen know all the facts you have found out and help them form a strategy for success in the class.  Let them know you will be monitoring them so that the strategy will be implemented. Regularly, let them know that this kind of strategy is what they will need to do in their life to increase the odds that they will be successful and that’s why they need to do it.

Let’s now talk about standing firm.

You may be thinking, “Dr. Bocknek hasn’t said anything about how or when to stand firm.”

You are right!

But you can’t solve Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm Part 3

No matter how many kids you have, at some point , there will come a time when you just can’t go any further in bending to help them. This article is about giving you strength to make the tough decisions. What makes a good parent is raising your kids to be self reliant, good decision makers and good people.

Sometimes, you will be good at all three and sometimes you Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent and Standing Firm

A couple of weeks ago I had a very interesting conversation with a 15 year old that made me think about what makes a good parent. The 15 year old in question was very well mannered, intelligent, and as he said “very stressed out”. I asked him if he is getting bad grades. He said no. I asked him if he is getting into trouble. He said no to this too. So I asked him what’s up. He replied he didn’t know what he was going to do with his life. I thought his comment was amazing so I decided to tell his story to a few parent friends of mine. When I brought this conversation up to them their responses were fascinating. Some asked if he is going to career counseling and others said, “he is only 15 years old”.

My point here is what makes a good parent isn’t always in line with good people with good intentions. Here’s what I mean. I know the boy’s mother. She is doing everything she can to make him successful in her mind. She has great intentions for her son and for the most part she is doing a great job with him, but he is really stressed out about his future and is only 15 years old.

For you parents reading this story, let me give you some advice. What makes a good parent is leadership.

Leadership for a 15 year old should entail the following: Continue reading Reasonable Expectations for Our Teens

Critical thinking is the willingness to read, watch, be open and analyze all the data you take in and come to a conclusion. A big part of teen parenting, today, probably more than ever before, is teaching your kids to take part in it.

When you embark in critical thinking conclusions reached may be the opposite of previous positions you have taken before. Why would your position change? Because new facts and compelling arguments become apparent that makes it very difficult to keep the previous notion. I’m afraid we are in the time of the dumbing up of America. Life has become so busy that true thinking is taking a back seat to letting others think for us.

To make this a balanced article on teen parenting, let me sight some examples on both sides of the political spectrum. On the right, we have turned the pro life ideology from being a strong belief to annihilating any candidate who won’t quote the bible and condemn, as a murderer, anyone who disagrees with them. On the left, Continue reading Teen Parenting and Critical Thinking Part 2