Part 3 of  Teen Parenting: What is Okay?, is my opinion on teen parenting from a very personal level.

In my opinion, we have come to a point in society of polarization. It seems that most people, who are vocal, are either way left or way right.

I want to say something on this point. When 9/11 took place, we as a country, stood as one. We reprioritized what was important as a nation. We became one people. It lasted for months. All the nonsense, that is being argued now on the news, never would have been discussed. The petty partisan politics wouldn’t even be discussed.

In my opinion, our country, and seemingly the rest of the world, is in a moral pre 9/11 mentality. I feel teen parenting should be the center point of discussion of society. The majority has completely forgotten about our youth and the next generation. The educational system is not the problem. The government is not the solution. In my opinion, the decay of Continue reading Teen Parenting: What is Okay? Part 3

I was reading an article today about a huge conference in Canada that recently took place on the subject of trends in families. The subject came up about the availability of pornographic material that is available on the internet. One of the speakers was addressing the issue of sexting. Sexting is the putting on the internet, pictures of minors naked or in sexually promiscuous poses on different sites. The speaker, who is an educator in Canada, said it was wrong but that he didn’t see anything wrong with children expressing their sensuality or sexuality. Having been a parent, a lecturer and counselor on teen parenting, I can tell you we have come a long way to creating an unstable future for our world if this is a commonly held position.

Teen parenting and toddler parenting is about creating a safe and empowering environment. In pre-internet times, it was far more reasonable to let your kids out and let them test the waters. Back then, the limit of their exposure to adult issues was determined by how far they could get on their bike or later in their car. In those times, they would come in contact with other kids who had the same limited exposure. They would test and try things but very quickly they had to be home and parents could look for change in behavior. If the change was creating negative behavior in or out of the house the parent could limit their free time. Teen parenting, now, is a different animal.

Teens, now, can Continue reading Teen Parenting: What is Okay?

Step three is making them look at each other and getting them to tell each other one or two things that they admire about the other, then to tell one or two things they are jealous about.

This totally disarms them and amazingly Continue reading Teenage Parenting and Sibling Rivalry: Part 3

Continuing on with teenage parenting and sibling rivalry, let’s talk about the big picture. The big picture is, it’s a tough world out there that we are sending our kids. Why do we want to send our kids out there thinking they are alone, if we don’t have to?

In case you haven’t noticed, in teenage parenting, your teens want to hang out with you less and less and confide in you less and less. This natural and, although, painful thing is inevitable. So how do we create getting them someone they can go to? They are right in your home. Sibling rivalry in an impediment to giving them an ally.

In teenage parenting, how do we teach them to cooperate. As a family we help each other. We take out time in our busy life and prioritize family. We constantly acknowledge successes and stand by each other in down times. We teach our kids that some day the parents won’t be around and all they will have is each other and their family. How can you let sibling rivalry continue with the family as a centerpiece? You can’t.

If sibling rivalry exists in your home exists in your home now, in teenage parenting, how do you fix it? Continue reading Teenage Parenting and Sibling Rivalry: Part 2

Teenage parenting is filled with minefields and sibling rivalry is one of them. In a time where we push our kids to do well in school and achieve, they will inevitably be in rivalries. The one place where we don’t want rivalries is in our home.

In teenage parenting, how do we stop sibling rivalry?

Let’s back track one second and talk about the benefits of competition. Competition, by its very nature, is win – lose. Someone wins and someone loses. The positive side to this is it drives us to be the best we can be. The benefits are huge. Most of our biggest successes come out of outperforming others. It would be a big mistake, in my opinion, when involved in teenage parenting to present competition as a negative.

In the home, however, is not where competition is a great thing. In the home, individual achievement is immensely important, but so is sanity in the family. How do we take individual achievement and make it positive so sibling rivalry doesn’t undermine the family? This is what teenage parenting is all about.

Step One Continue reading Teenage Parenting and Sibling Rivalry

Today, we will discuss one very important reason why students are getting bad grades.

Today’s subject is about the dummying of America. With the advent of the internet, and all that increase to information that we never had as kids, one would think our kids would be doing better in school. What I have found, however, in my experience and research, is that parents who greatly limit what the kids are accessing on the internet, is often the difference between students getting bad grades or not.

What I mean about the dummying of America is that our kids now can get simplistic answers to complex questions with the flick of a button. Rather than having to analyze data, they can get opinions at will. Why students are getting bad grades is because many have no patience to do the hard work it takes to form opinions.

Some solutions to why are students getting bad grades begins with parents…

a) insisting their kids have time set aside for reading everyday. This makes the child visualize written words and use their imagination,

b) limiting their time on the computer to completing school work,

c) limiting their time on tvs to educational programs,

d) taking them to museums and art galleries that have docents.

In closing, the key to why are students getting bad grades is the expectation of instant gratification rather than using their brains. Not all learning is easy, but what in life that is worth having has ever come easy?

Sincerely,

Dr. Bocknek

The Problem Solving Expert for Parents and Families

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Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for marriage, parents and families at www.takebackthehome.com and www.keyboard-culture-parenting.com.  He can be reached at bocknek@takebackthehome.com. He is author of the “Take Back the Home course” and the “Learning how to Learn course” which can be seen at www.takebackthehome.com.

Many parents ask me for parenting tips when it comes to their teens. They want to know how to stop yelling, how to get their kids to do their chores, how to make rules in the house and the list could go on forever. Today, I want to speak about something that kind of addresses all those issues.

The first of the parenting tips is to connect to your children. Do you remember when you were a kid and sometimes you just didn’t understand or agree with your parents. Were you right? Were they right? The odds are sometimes you were and sometimes they were, but more often then not it was the parents. In teenage parenting, or any parenting, the point is that if your kids don’t understand why you are upset with them or why you say what you say there will be a disconnect. A disconnect means there will be a break from connecting with them.

It won’t matter if you are right if the connection isn’t created. I’ll give you an example from our family. My second son is just shy of 18. He has been accepted into a couple of colleges and is doing really well in school. He just doesn’t ever want to come home. He’s having a great time. So, my wife called him and told him to come home. He said “why”? My wife told him because she said so. He didn’t get it and stopped answering his phone to her. This is the disconnect.

The parenting tip is this. Continue reading Parenting Tips in Teenage Parenting

In the last blog of “Fathers in Teenage Parenting” we talked about the father’s role in early teenage parenting. In this one, let’s talk about the father’s role in mid to late teenage parenting.

By the mid to late teens years, important dynamics often start that makes the father’s presence even more important than in previous years.

Starting with teenage parenting with the boys; Boys often don’t want to be seen with their mothers, in public and are challenging them, in private. This is a natural occurrence as young male energy starts to emerge. When there is a father in the house, he can relate to the male energy and can discuss it with them. Its not that it’s always easy but the father can set the example of how a responsible male needs to behave in society. He can give examples of how he handled mother issues and the ever uncomfortable puberty issues that no male teenager will discuss with their mother.

When I took the helm with my wife and her two boys for teen parenting duties, they were 13 and 15 years old. They were raised with no male in the house and were utterly dominating her. Let me tell you it hasn’t always been easy, but has been incredibly rewarding. I instilled chores, rules, allowances and school expectations. I also instilled for them to go out more to be with their friends without supervision, something my wife was scared to do.

Now let’s Deal with teenage parenting issues Continue reading Fathers in Teenage Parenting 3

In teenage parenting, especially in blended families, the presence of the father or step father is hugely important in the development of the teenager. In the first Fathers in Teenage Parenting blog post, we talked about the difference in nurturing capacities between mothers and fathers with the preteen.

Let’s now look at how the father can impact the nurturing of the blossoming teenager.

What is different in teenage parenting vs. preteen parenting in regards to the father?

The first thing to remember is that the blossoming teenager is starting to spread his or her wings. They are becoming more independent. This is often a very trying time for parents. Parents are starting to realize Continue reading Fathers in Teenage Parenting 2

Today, I would like to speak on the importance of the father in raising kids in teenage parenting.

Our family is a blended family. Between my wife and me we have four kids, three boys and a girl. This year they will be 20, 18, 17 and 15. Here’s what I have noticed. Understand, what I’m about to say is not to insult or judge teenage parenting styles, (well, ok there will be some judgment, but where would we be without judgment, LOL).

Let’s first talk some of what mothers bring to the table. Mothers, first and foremost, bring an amazing ability to love their children in a way that men almost never do. They worry about things like sickness, eating well and staying up too late as if each decision carries the weight of the world on it.

Women just have a nurturing side that is incredible. Its not that men don’t have a nurturing side, (of course we do)…it’s just not the same. Before teenage parenting begins, I believe, it is Continue reading Fathers in Teenage Parenting