So let’s talk about how to change our values.

First point is why would we want to?

When we want to bond with people, we need to learn and grow. We can’t expect others to be exactly like us and they can’t expect us to be exactly like them.

Secondly, we have to own the idea that somethings we do stink and somethings they do stink. We are all humans and somehow got in the habit of doing our lives the way we do it, but that doesn’t mean its right or good. Success in blended families begins with change.

The first thing to change is that love has to be a important value. Love is easy to say and more difficult to do. Love needs to be a verb. In other words, love your new family. If you don’t know if what you are doing makes the other side uncomfortable either ask them or go the distance and say to yourself, “I don’t know how they feel about this but If I wanted to do what was right…what would I do?”

This is loving them. In blended families you can quickly Continue reading Success in Blended Families 3

In Success in Blended Families Part 1, we talked about core values and the problems that can ensue when we aren’t aware of the differences.

In this “Success in the Blended Families” article let’s discuss how to overcome differences in core values. The first thing to mention is you don’t have to be an expert to survive in blended families, but the better you understand the potential pitfalls increases the odds of success. Just remember what is at stake. You are entering into a blended families situation because of points you missed in your first marriage. What we don’t want to do is make the same mistakes again. Right? So the best way is to become a student of yourself.

As written in Blended Families Part 1, understanding our core values is very important. Then understanding how they mesh with our partner is next. Partners can be very different on unimportant things but on the important stuff its not ok.

What determines what’s important? Continue reading Success in Blended Families: Part 2

Blended families are an amazingly common phenomena in America today. Just the fact that we have a term for a situation where the survivors of two failed marriages coming together speaks volumes in and of itself.

But, this article is not about failed marriages or tragedy. It is about what happens when two people have learned from their mistakes and make a new wonderful loving family. It is about the possibilities that can be a reality. The reality being that humans can rebound and take hurt and loss and make a new beginning. This is about success in blended families.

What does it take to make success in blended families? The first thing that is required is for the two adults to look at whether their core values are in line.

What does this mean?

Core values are the 3 or 4 most important feelings each person hold close to their center. Core values could be happiness, love, trust , integrity, etc.

One might think that every one has the same value system, but this isn’t true. More often than not, women hold Continue reading Success in Blended Families