In part 1 of “Parenting and Unconditional Positive Regard”, we talked about dealing with issues regarding your child’s school issues. In this issue, I want to talk about daily things we do or don’t do and what makes a good parent, resembles our action.

I want to start this discussion with the premise that your desire to have a great relationship with your children, is a core part of what you view as what makes a good parent.

Let’s start by looking at how we view activities with our children. What makes a good parent is getting to the mindset that scheduling in time with our kids, (including our teens), is an essential pathway to creating a positive relationship with our children.

What did what I just said mean? It meant explain to your kids why you want to schedule in time with them.

What makes a good parent is; Continue reading Parenting and Unconditional Positive Regard Part 2

What makes a good parent? What are the main things, you can do, to succeed as a parent? Your relationship with your children is going to go through many ups and downs. Expect it. There are going to be times where you want to strangle your kids and there are going to be times when you wish you handled yourself better. So how do you keep your relationship with them growing through all this turmoil?

What makes a good parent begins with the parent’s unconditional positive regard for their children. But what does unconditional positive regard mean? I would like to begin with telling you what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean when your child is failing or doing poorly in school that you say, “its ok honey, you’ll do better next time”. It doesn’t mean, when your children talks back to you that you take it because you love them.

What makes a good parent is standing up, and leading your children with unconditional positive regard as I’m going to describe to you right now.

When your child is doing poorly in school, you begin with taking responsibility within yourself how you weren’t on top of how they were doing. I’m not going to call you a bad parent if your child does poorly in school. But, I can tell you, what ever parenting style you use, if your child repeats poor performance a second straight semester and you haven’t made major changes in what you as a parent do, you are not doing what makes a good parent.

So what would you do in this circumstance? Continue reading Parenting and Unconditional Positive Regard

The third part of what makes a good parent, action and patience involves giving your child a vision of the future. One thing I have learned from years of working with children and teens is that they pretty much don’t see how today’s actions can affect their life in the future.

I’ll give you a personal example. When my wife and I got together my second step son had some issues with it and he was acting out. Unfortunately, for him, one of those ways was to stop studying for his classes. In one semester he got three D’s. He literally had to spend the rest of his high school tenure making up for that mistake. Trust me, if he had known then what he knows now he never would have chosen that direction to act out. As it turned out he got a scholarship to Clemson in engineering but he had to kick some major butt to get it.

A great technique in helping your children develop, (and what makes a good parent), is to give them Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent…Action and Patience Part 3

In this section of “What makes a good parent, action and patience” we will talk about how to achieve a good relationship between parents and children. As I was being interviewed for a national parenting magazine yesterday our conversation moved to what it takes to achieve the good relationship. If I had one point to mention above all others, it would be for the parent to be consistent. Not that your children are animals but let’s think of raising your children in simple terms like training a puppy.

On some levels what makes a good parent is the same as being a good dog trainer. If your puppy chews on your furniture and one time you punish him and the next time you don’t the puppy becomes confused whether chewing on the furniture is acceptable or not. It’s the same with your kids. With a consistent response to your child’s behavior you have the best chance of having a strong relationship with them.

How does this consistency translate into a good relationship? This is the essence of what makes a good parent. Here are some important points: Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Action and Patience Part 2

Before I go too far in this blog post of what makes a good parent, I want to say this isn’t a bible thumping story. That being said, there are great passages that really open up possibilities to insight. The one I was reading today was the book of Ruth.

Ruth is the story of great women. In this story, Ruth is the daughter in law of Naomi, a woman who lost her husband shortly after having two sons. Ruth married one of Naomi’s two sons. After Ruth married Naomi’s son he also died. So in effect, their relationship was one of legality, not one of blood. But they loved and respected one another. They became a true daughter and mother relationship.

For this post, there are many things to learn here but I want to focus on Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent… Action and Patience

A couple of weeks ago I had a very interesting conversation with a 15 year old that made me think about what makes a good parent. The 15 year old in question was very well mannered, intelligent, and as he said “very stressed out”. I asked him if he is getting bad grades. He said no. I asked him if he is getting into trouble. He said no to this too. So I asked him what’s up. He replied he didn’t know what he was going to do with his life. I thought his comment was amazing so I decided to tell his story to a few parent friends of mine. When I brought this conversation up to them their responses were fascinating. Some asked if he is going to career counseling and others said, “he is only 15 years old”.

My point here is what makes a good parent isn’t always in line with good people with good intentions. Here’s what I mean. I know the boy’s mother. She is doing everything she can to make him successful in her mind. She has great intentions for her son and for the most part she is doing a great job with him, but he is really stressed out about his future and is only 15 years old.

For you parents reading this story, let me give you some advice. What makes a good parent is leadership.

Leadership for a 15 year old should entail the following: Continue reading Reasonable Expectations for Our Teens

In part 1 of “getting the most out of parenting”, we talked about what makes a good parent by starting with admitting you don’t know everything. In this edition we will talk about sharing with your kids, “you”. Have you ever been with someone, who you thought you wanted to be friends with and it just seemed to go no where? Why did it happen? Usually it was because you or they didn’t share your, or their, self enough to satisfy each other for the relationship to grow. These same dynamics play out the same with you and your kids.

One of the important things, then, that goes into what makes a good parent is knowing how much of you to share.

Here are some important guidelines. Continue reading Getting the Most Out of Parenting: Part 2

Being a parent, otherwise known as how to bankrupt a person one college at a time, has truly been one of the most satisfying experiences of my life. Being the father of 4 in a blended family, I thought I would share some thought on, in my view, what makes a good parent.

What makes a good parent starts with realizing you don’t know everything and then conveying this idea to your kids. Once you’ve had this epiphany, the doors are open for you to talk to your kids in a way that really is fun and enriching. Why I say this is an epiphany is because relationships are based on connection.

Connection is based on Continue reading Getting the Most Out of Parenting

In this final installment of “what makes a good parent”, we’ll discuss how to maintain leadership, with your kids, when you don’t have all the answers.

What we have accomplished so far is moved you from not knowing that you didn’t know something to realizing that you didn’t know something. As we discussed in “what makes a good parent 1″, this is the way to remove conflicts and solve problems. So now we are in a position to solve the “how to be a good parent issue”, in regards to leadership.

By exposing to your kids, your humanness, or imperfections, they may take this opportunity to get their way. After all they haven’t seen you admit mistakes before. So at this point you can disarm your kids by saying that Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent: Part 3

Continuing on with what makes a good parent, let’s take a look at when you don’t have the answer for your child.

As mentioned in “what makes a good parent 1″, remember, you don’t have to be perfect. With that point in mind, think of life in terms that life is not about getting to the finish line. It is about the path that you take to get to the finish line. In other words, think of the finish line as being 6 ft. under and the path as all the joy and excitement you experience in life. You won’t be in such a rush then to get to the finish line.

In the case that you don’t have the answer with your kids…where’s the win, how do help your kids? Continue reading What Makes a Good Parent: Part 2